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Ask Professor Crazy!
Are You Experiencing Deja Vu?
Welcome to Ask Professor Crazy! Due to the Twin Towers disaster, the war America currently finds itself in, and the spread of anthrax around the nation, it has been difficult for me to get in the humorous frame of mind necessary to put out Ask Professor Crazy! week after week. What's been especially disconcerting for me, is that I've predicted in past issues of this e-zine that America would become involved in a war involving the Middle East sometime during Bush's term in office--it appears this has eerily come to pass. I'm grateful for the support which the world, in general, has lent to the United States in this time of upheaval--Thanks to you all!
I mentioned the Twin Towers--in a more humorous vein, but also Tower-related, I was Asked to link up with a beautiful, glorious hotel in Rome, called the Fawlty Towers, and, being a fan of John Cleese and his brilliant comedic acting talent in the BBC show Fawlty Towers where he plays Basil Fawlty, of course, I agreed! Please, check this site out, also, especially if you intend to travel to Rome, Italy, in the near future!
Besides a Party Keg, what is the most important necessity college students have to buy to prepare for University life?--Textbooks, of course; one of life's necessary evils! But, where can Mr./Miss Joe/Jane Dorm get the best deals on textbooks and bestsellers, not to mention cool stuff to decorate their dorm? At www.ecampus.com , of course!
Ask Professor Crazy!, always vigilant in its search to bring you the best of the Internet, now brings you a chance to win cool stuff from Sony! Sony is currently conducting a contest in which they're giving away a different prize every day of the week--sounds pretty good, huh? To enter, just click on: Click
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SITES WITH THE PERFECT GIFTS FOR EVERYONE!
1. For a perfect gift that anyone will love, click on: Gift Planet!
2. Also be sure to check out Best CDs!
3. Like good DVDs and VHS movies at a great price? Check out: Movie Madness!
4. Feeling the need for yet MORE CRAZINESS? Then, check out my Webring called: Ask Professor Crazy's Friends!
News Blips And Opinions!
The News I usually discuss isn't often given major media exposure, and is just a blip on the radar screen of the public's interest--but, it is interesting and/or CRAZY stuff, for sure, thus deserving of appearing in these pages!
"I'VE FALUN GONG, AND I CAN'T GET UP!"
The Falun Gong are being unmercifully persecuted in China, and someone would have to be a right sorry son-of-a-gun to attempt poking fun at their plight, or to use mildly humorous but offensive headlines mentioning them in conjunction with a commercial about the woes of elderly people just to get Readers to read on! If you notice some website doing this, please report them to me, so I can personally rake them over the coals in righteous indignation! The sort of people who would do such things merely for the sake of a cheap guffaw or two--it makes one want to vomit, I tell you! You won't find that sort of shenanigans at this website, no siree Bob!
Jokes!
Got a good, fairly clean Joke? Let me hear from you, and you might get the pleasure of seeing your name in print at this site! Oh, yeah--if you want the chance to win money and recommend this site to your friends, click on the Recommend-It ad to the right.
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I appreciate the thousands of Jokes I'm deluged with every week from all of you! Keep 'em coming! This week's offering I have selected from one of the Internet's great repositories of Jokes, Jokes4UInYourEmail.com, and they call it:
"ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN HONG KONG FILMS"
1. I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, with your thick face you have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed there?
9. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
10. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feats on some but of hte giant lizard person.
Preview Of This Issue's Topics!
As always, the Mailbag Page is where I Answer the Questions that you send in! I guarantee an Answer to each and every Question that you send me! The actual validity of the Answer may be subject to Interpretation--anyway, it's good for a chuckle or two, and that's more than can be said about the Answers you get from most other websites, so click on it!
The Article this week is titled: "Egg Cartons & Sealing Wax, Cabbages & Kings!" When does collecting valuable artifacts cross the line into being an obsession? Where does collecting end, and hoarding begin? To read more, simply click on the Article Page!
The Reviews Page for this Issue is split, as always, between three CRAZY Reviewers: Sterling "Silverware" Martin; William "George Jefferson" Clinton; and Debbie "Blondie" Harry! These are NOT your typical, run-of-the-mill Reviews--trust me on this, and click to see for yourselves! The Interview for this Issue is with Bill "Osmosis Jones" Murray!
The Fun continues with the Four Star Humor Links and Forum on the Contact Me Page! Please fill out an entry in one or both Guestbooks, if you haven't already done so! Got a comment? We love to hear from you! Just post a comment or start up a Topic at the Forum!
Do you need good free advice on life, finances, affairs of the heart, or how to make your furshlinger computer work? Then, all you need to do is to: Call Me Now at Keen!
Need contact lenses? I wear them, my son is getting some, and they're pretty convenient, though they can be pricey! If you'd like a great deal on contacts, and free shipping, click on: Click here for all contact lens needs. The company is ELens.com, and they also sell many types of sunglasses, including RayBans, at very good prices; so, even if you don't wear contacts and have perfect vision, this is a cool site to check out!
What's George Foreman, videos depicting college girls gone wild, and a six-pack of abs have in common? Products related to each of these subjects have been sold on television, and are the fodder of many humorous remarks, as well! It's been said that George Foreman has earned more money hocking his diet books and famous grill than he has during his entire career as a heavyweight boxer. The AbDoer is a machine that can help you have a six-pack of abs--I prefer one of Michelob, personally! How can you get these products and many more? Click on: asontv.com . I have made fun of some of the things you can buy here, and will likely continue to do so; but, the fact is, the products are pretty good! Also, the prices at this site are generally cheaper than the advertised ones on the television!
The brain-child of Mark Shapiro, the well-known lawyer who represented O.J. Simpson, is a company called LegalZoom.Com. They handle all legal matters, from having wills made, to divorces, to incorporating your business, etc., etc.--you get the best lawyers around, for the smallest amount of money. Dealing with legal matters is not much fun, but it is often necessary. I hope you never have the necessity to use a lawyer, but if you ever do, I highly recommend Shapiro's company--click on: Legal Documents @ Lawyer-Free Prices and you're on the way!
Finally, it's time to kick out the jams, party hearty, and proceed onwards to read the rest of Ask Professor Crazy!
Have Questions and you want Answers? Write to me at Ask Professor Crazy! Specify if you want a true or humorous Answer, and if you would like the Q. and A. published here, please!
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