Book Review "Zamboni Dreams"
Luigi Zamboni It's the heighth of the NASACAR season, and, once again, that young upstart Jeff Gordon is hovering around the top of the standings like flies on horse manure, hogging the attention of the paparazzi! Sure, he's a good race car driver; but, he doesn't have to be, like, "I'm Mr. Great Race Car Driver, And You're Not!" about it--he should have some common sense and common decency, but NO, he's, like, "Mr. I'm Gonna Rub Your Face In It!" about the whole thing! It almost is enough to make one want to give up racing cars and take up racing zambonis--which brings me to the subject of this Review, the book by the great Luigi Zamboni, "Zamboni Dreams"!
The idea of racing zambonis has been around for a long time, but for some odd reason, has never quite caught the public's attention in the same way that, say, NASCAR racing has--perhaps it has to do with the zamboni's notoriously slow speed, and that it is about as sleek and aerodynamic as a rock! Whatever the reason, it's been the lifelong goal of Luigi Zamboni, the heir-apparent to the vast Zamboni fortune, to promote and popularize the idea of zamboni racing. The book he authored, Zamboni Dreams, is a step in the right direction--though, it negates the old saying that "Any publicity is good publicity." The Formula 1 racing zambonis his team have come up with are a great deal faster than any other zambonis around, and have been clocked at the immense speed (for a zamboni) of 20 miles per hour; but, despite the improvements in speed, there is one factor above all which I feel will prevent the "sport" of zamboni racing from truly becoming popular--they're zambonis, for God's sake! While a fascinating look at an obsessed individual's attempts to popularize an uninteresting "sport", in the end "Zamboni Dreams" can be summarized as being "Sound And Fury, Signifying A Boring, Useless Waste Of Time"!
- Submitted by: Sterling "Silverware" Martin |  |
Movies Osmosis Jones
Bobby & Peter Farrelly, Directors I have a lot of spare time on my hands these days, and so, when Professor Crazy invited me to do the Review of "Osmomsis Jones" for him, it didn't take a stained dress to convince me to do it for him--I jumped at the chance! After all, "All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy!" And, I should know, after the many hours I've been putting in lately at my new offices in Harlem--I need a rest, let me tell you!
Sure, I've given up my "responsibilities" as the President of the US of A, and, what's more, to paraphrase the theme song of "The Jeffersons", "It took a whole lot of tryin', just to get rid of that Hill", but the work I've been doing on my Presidential papers and on getting my $10,000,000 book ready has been really stressing me out lately. Professor Crazy has been extremely helpful in showing me the ways that Orientals use to combat stress, like meditation and relaxing in hot tubs with some of his office's temps; so, anyway, here's the Review!
Oh, dang it! I just miss Hillary, no that she's off on important Senate business--yeah, there are some areas where we've had our little disagreements, and didn't always see eye-to-eye, but she could come in handy right about now helping me out with this Review! I'll make it as short and sweet as I can--Bill Murray + Chris Rock + Molly Shannon = 1 Butt-kickin' Movie--and, hey, the cartoon parts of it are pretty cool, too! I give it my Presidential--ooops--Ex-Presidential Seal Of Approval!
--Submitted by: William "George Jefferson" Clinton
 "Germs Of The World,
I Feel Your Pain!" |
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Music "Trapped In A Fortune Cookie Factory!"
HUH?69 Do you like Blink 182? Do you like 'N'SYNC? How about bamboo shoots shoved up underneath your fingernails? If you Answered "Yes" to any of these Questions, then you'll probably find you enjoy HUH?69's latest album, Trapped In A Fortune Cookie Factory", very much! If you Answered with a resounding "Hell, No!", then you are one of the few people left in this world with an ounce of good taste in their bodies, and you'll avoid this album like the plague! But, even the foulest CD has to have redeeming qualities, doesn't it?
There is one song on the album that has decent lyrics, and that is the one that pokes fun at Britney Spears, called "Britney In A Bottle, Baby!"
"I've got Britney in a bottle, baby,
And I ain't gonna release her, no way,
'Cause the world ain't ready, hey, hey,
For a teen singer even too slutty for P. Diddy, baby!"
Until next time, this has been a Review from Debbie Harry, intrepid part-time Reviewer for Professor Crazy! Remember, try to find the good in everyone, and everything; regardless of the power of the microscope you might need to use, there's good in all of us!
- Submitted by
Debbie "Blondie" Harry |
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Interested Parties!
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